Uff, last few days bohut zyada hectic sa raha. Kyonki hum Holi ki tayari mein jude huye hain. Yes yes, we Bens from Palampur go to Sirmaur and take part in the Byas Mela there. It is so much fun, bohut ladkiyon ki shaadi bhi fix ho jateen hai har saal. *Giggle* So Billo Ben ki madad se humne apna naya wardrobe tayar kar liya hai. Agar humaare paathak koyi Byas Mela mein aa rahein hain, to humein zaroor batayiega.
Anyway back to buziness, immense joy comes as we present to you the first of the Dukhi Aatma Award nominee profile of the Floggies series. Yes yes, such irony.
To aisa hai, is Award ke waise to bohut saare haqdaar hai, lekin humaare hisaab se sabse tagda muqabala karenge, hum sab ke pyaare, behad dulaare – Amit Verma. Saare Blog-Bhumika mein Amit Verma to bilkul hi chahye huye hain. Shayad hi aisa koyi shaks ho jinhone unka bilkul Kateela Blog dekha na ho. Haan haan, aise shaks ka milna mushkil hi nahin namumkin bhi hai.
Okie okie, Ammu Akka is giving me strict instruction to write in Englis-Pinglis, so I shall attempt. Waise to I studied college also, but only Pass course and not Haanars. Failed in Pass course also. Uff phir se irony.
Like among the devataaon one notices that some have zyada bol-bala over others ditto for the Flog-O-Sphere. So among all the divine devataas, Verma Saheb is like UP there. He is Kalyug’s Kali – the negative manifestation of Vishnuji. Oh and plizz don’t think that this Blog is not secular because we refer to so much of Hindu gods and goddesses. We are very very secular. Just like Virbhadra Singhjee, Manmohan Singhjee, Mulayam Singhjee and Vagairah Singhjee.
Anyway, since Verma Saheb is sooo important in the Flog-O-Sphere we spent quality time reading through his posts (sir dard se phata jaane laga) and trying to use our simple minds to understand what he had to say. Many things were noticed.
Most noticeably was the frequency of his postings. Just when one managed to read one post, another one pops. Hai Ram! Agar itna samay Blog par bitayein, to ghar kaise chalate honge? Anyway given that we are not so clever-shlever we got the help of a Vyawharwadi Manovaigyanik Ben to help us understand this phenomenon. We like to be scientific and not indulge in Pop Psychology, you know. Vyawhar Ben conducted many tests and formulated some null and alternate hypothesis after reading Verma Saheb’s Blog. With the help of the Kraut Model, she was able to establish that Verma Saheb is a very lonely man. She told us that we got a very satisfactory goodness of fit.
But we Bens like to give everyone a fair chance and don’t want to pass value judgments and sweeping generalizations like some of our Blog Bhaais do (we all know who that is, don’t we?)
So we decided to go through all the posts on his Blog of the last two years and understand the softer issues beyond the empirical evidence that we already had. After trawling through half a dozen of his posts we were able to reach the conclusion that Verma Saheb is indeed a very sad man.
How how, you ask. Let me tell you.
Content analysis shows us that the incidence of YouTube videos on his Blog is very high. That by itself is not such a bad thing, of course. Though won’t say it is terribly original coming from the Bid Daddy of Flog-O-Sphere. But hey gods have to do what gods can do, nahin? However, the type of videos are the bigger concern. Too many Bangladeshi and Dakshin Bharatiya videos are being linked to. We love our Bangaldeshi Bens and Bhaiis, please don’t mistake taking. We love Ammu Akka, Sreeshanth Chetan, Laxman Garu, Murali Kartik Anna and Dravid Anna, so no problem there either. But phir bhi, jis tarah ke videos Verma Saheb ne apne Blog mein dale, woh to dekhkar aisa hi lagta hai ki woh khud to dukhi hai hi, aur to aur woh apne paathakon ko bhi dukhi dekhna chahte hain.Is sab ko dhyaan mein rakhte huye, humein lagta hai ki Amit Verma Saheb Dukhi Aatma Award ke liye bilkul hi sahi haqdaar honge. Humari is choti si koshish se kya pata hum unke jeevan mein thoda sukh hi le aaye? Hai na?
Uff, and then too much of cow reference on the Blog. Cows are good gentle animals. But we wonder if there is a deeper meaning behind it. After all, gods are supposed to be deep deep. Is baat par humein ek cheez yaad aati hai, aur woh yeh ki humaare Palampur shehar mein ek bohut hi ghatiya khel hai jo yahan ke Naujawan khelte hai, usko kahte hai Cow Tipping. Some people think that it is some kind of an Urban Legend, but these non believers need to visit Palampur. Humare hate-katte jaat bhaii, isme bilkul maahir hai. So we are guessing that Verma Saheb cannot really manage to tip too many cows, so he indulges in this make believe tipping. Tchee Tchee. Cow Loving Activists ought to take note. Also if one were to analyze deeper and read meanings into things, one can conclude that cows symbolize lonely grazing and that is how Verma Saheb looks at Blogging.
And another thing that we notice is that TOO much of Eco-no—meeks cutting also happening. Dreadfully boring and a bit too complicated. Ab koyi Libertarian ho, Brahmin ho ya Iranian ho, kya faraq padta hai? Kitna logon ka is tarah se kutting karenge aur dilon ko todenge? But no, we like to wear our badges and form clubs and chilla chilla ka kahenge, ‘Look maa, Libertarian.’ Yeh Libertarian-Shibertarain kya hai bhai? I only know about the Statue of Liberty which I have seen in the fillum – Kal Ho Na Ho. But really, hum Chidambaram Saheb se humble request karenge ki woh kuch extra tax lagaye un Bloggers par jo humein itna pakaate hai aur dukhi kartein hain.
Oh and what does exaggeratedly cute statements like – Fun Will Come mean? Woh bhi koyi Rakhi Saawant wallhe YouTube video ya Koena Mitra ka TOI interview ya Mid-Day mate dekhkar? Kaisa fun bhai? We Bens are not approving of sexist and patronizing stance towards women with great bodies. This whole, nudge-nudge-wink-wink Big Boys Joke is so awfully passé. Hello! And really if one must practice ones barbs and this entire look-i-am-so-clevah-and-witty bit, why choose soft targets? Go for the holy cows for a change, since we love them cows soooo much.
Oh and finally, a Blog is a fantastic way to connect with people and listen to alternative points of view. Especially since we are Libertarian free-speech believers na? Lekin Verma Saheb apne blog par kissi ko bhi tippanai nahin karne dete hai. Why like that? Is it just us, or is the fact that someone who writes on a public forum but does not like to hear a point of view which could possibly be contrary to his, seem thoda strange? We Flog Bens would love to tell him how much we love all those YouTube videos, alas we cannot.
So please come forward and express your solidarity and support for Verma Saheb. Shayad har kissi ko ek Gaay free mein mil jayein. Aur sochiye, Gaay se milega humein doodh. Doodh se dahi. Dahi se Lassi. Aur aur aur, Lassi Jaisi Koyi Nahin!
Haan to bilkul in the andaaz of Shahrukh Bhai, sab milke boliye, Ladeez and Gentlemaans aur Baays and Girrllls, Funnnn Weeel Caaam!