Feb 28, 2007

Hum Hain Har Ek Mele Mein Akele urf Dukhi Aatma Award: Nominee Profile 1

Mere behad pyaare Bens and Bhaiiis ko Ms Palampur ka Namaskaar.

Uff, last few days bohut zyada hectic sa raha. Kyonki hum Holi ki tayari mein jude huye hain. Yes yes, we Bens from Palampur go to Sirmaur and take part in the Byas Mela there. It is so much fun, bohut ladkiyon ki shaadi bhi fix ho jateen hai har saal. *Giggle* So Billo Ben ki madad se humne apna naya wardrobe tayar kar liya hai. Agar humaare paathak koyi Byas Mela mein aa rahein hain, to humein zaroor batayiega.

Anyway back to buziness, immense joy comes as we present to you the first of the Dukhi Aatma Award nominee profile of the Floggies series. Yes yes, such irony.

To aisa hai, is Award ke waise to bohut saare haqdaar hai, lekin humaare hisaab se sabse tagda muqabala karenge, hum sab ke pyaare, behad dulaare – Amit Verma. Saare Blog-Bhumika mein Amit Verma to bilkul hi chahye huye hain. Shayad hi aisa koyi shaks ho jinhone unka bilkul Kateela Blog dekha na ho. Haan haan, aise shaks ka milna mushkil hi nahin namumkin bhi hai.

Okie okie, Ammu Akka is giving me strict instruction to write in Englis-Pinglis, so I shall attempt. Waise to I studied college also, but only Pass course and not Haanars. Failed in Pass course also. Uff phir se irony.

Like among the devataaon one notices that some have zyada bol-bala over others ditto for the Flog-O-Sphere. So among all the divine devataas, Verma Saheb is like UP there. He is Kalyug’s Kali – the negative manifestation of Vishnuji. Oh and plizz don’t think that this Blog is not secular because we refer to so much of Hindu gods and goddesses. We are very very secular. Just like Virbhadra Singhjee, Manmohan Singhjee, Mulayam Singhjee and Vagairah Singhjee.

Anyway, since Verma Saheb is sooo important in the Flog-O-Sphere we spent quality time reading through his posts (sir dard se phata jaane laga) and trying to use our simple minds to understand what he had to say. Many things were noticed.

Most noticeably was the frequency of his postings. Just when one managed to read one post, another one pops. Hai Ram! Agar itna samay Blog par bitayein, to ghar kaise chalate honge? Anyway given that we are not so clever-shlever we got the help of a Vyawharwadi Manovaigyanik Ben to help us understand this phenomenon. We like to be scientific and not indulge in Pop Psychology, you know. Vyawhar Ben conducted many tests and formulated some null and alternate hypothesis after reading Verma Saheb’s Blog. With the help of the Kraut Model, she was able to establish that Verma Saheb is a very lonely man. She told us that we got a very satisfactory goodness of fit.

But we Bens like to give everyone a fair chance and don’t want to pass value judgments and sweeping generalizations like some of our Blog Bhaais do (we all know who that is, don’t we?)

So we decided to go through all the posts on his Blog of the last two years and understand the softer issues beyond the empirical evidence that we already had. After trawling through half a dozen of his posts we were able to reach the conclusion that Verma Saheb is indeed a very sad man.

How how, you ask. Let me tell you.


Content analysis shows us that the incidence of YouTube videos on his Blog is very high. That by itself is not such a bad thing, of course. Though won’t say it is terribly original coming from the Bid Daddy of Flog-O-Sphere. But hey gods have to do what gods can do, nahin? However, the type of videos are the bigger concern. Too many Bangladeshi and Dakshin Bharatiya videos are being linked to. We love our Bangaldeshi Bens and Bhaiis, please don’t mistake taking. We love Ammu Akka, Sreeshanth Chetan, Laxman Garu, Murali Kartik Anna and Dravid Anna, so no problem there either. But phir bhi, jis tarah ke videos Verma Saheb ne apne Blog mein dale, woh to dekhkar aisa hi lagta hai ki woh khud to dukhi hai hi, aur to aur woh apne paathakon ko bhi dukhi dekhna chahte hain.

Uff, and then too much of cow reference on the Blog. Cows are good gentle animals. But we wonder if there is a deeper meaning behind it. After all, gods are supposed to be deep deep. Is baat par humein ek cheez yaad aati hai, aur woh yeh ki humaare Palampur shehar mein ek bohut hi ghatiya khel hai jo yahan ke Naujawan khelte hai, usko kahte hai Cow Tipping. Some people think that it is some kind of an Urban Legend, but these non believers need to visit Palampur. Humare hate-katte jaat bhaii, isme bilkul maahir hai. So we are guessing that Verma Saheb cannot really manage to tip too many cows, so he indulges in this make believe tipping. Tchee Tchee. Cow Loving Activists ought to take note. Also if one were to analyze deeper and read meanings into things, one can conclude that cows symbolize lonely grazing and that is how Verma Saheb looks at Blogging.

And another thing that we notice is that TOO much of Eco-no—meeks cutting also happening. Dreadfully boring and a bit too complicated. Ab koyi Libertarian ho, Brahmin ho ya Iranian ho, kya faraq padta hai? Kitna logon ka is tarah se kutting karenge aur dilon ko todenge? But no, we like to wear our badges and form clubs and chilla chilla ka kahenge, ‘Look maa, Libertarian.’ Yeh Libertarian-Shibertarain kya hai bhai? I only know about the Statue of Liberty which I have seen in the fillum – Kal Ho Na Ho. But really, hum Chidambaram Saheb se humble request karenge ki woh kuch extra tax lagaye un Bloggers par jo humein itna pakaate hai aur dukhi kartein hain.

Oh and what does exaggeratedly cute statements like РFun Will Come mean? Woh bhi koyi Rakhi Saawant wallhe YouTube video ya Koena Mitra ka TOI interview ya Mid-Day mate dekhkar? Kaisa fun bhai? We Bens are not approving of sexist and patronizing stance towards women with great bodies. This whole, nudge-nudge-wink-wink Big Boys Joke is so awfully pass̩. Hello! And really if one must practice ones barbs and this entire look-i-am-so-clevah-and-witty bit, why choose soft targets? Go for the holy cows for a change, since we love them cows soooo much.

Oh and finally, a Blog is a fantastic way to connect with people and listen to alternative points of view. Especially since we are Libertarian free-speech believers na? Lekin Verma Saheb apne blog par kissi ko bhi tippanai nahin karne dete hai. Why like that? Is it just us, or is the fact that someone who writes on a public forum but does not like to hear a point of view which could possibly be contrary to his, seem thoda strange? We Flog Bens would love to tell him how much we love all those YouTube videos, alas we cannot.
Is sab ko dhyaan mein rakhte huye, humein lagta hai ki Amit Verma Saheb Dukhi Aatma Award ke liye bilkul hi sahi haqdaar honge. Humari is choti si koshish se kya pata hum unke jeevan mein thoda sukh hi le aaye? Hai na?

So please come forward and express your solidarity and support for Verma Saheb. Shayad har kissi ko ek Gaay free mein mil jayein. Aur sochiye, Gaay se milega humein doodh. Doodh se dahi. Dahi se Lassi. Aur aur aur, Lassi Jaisi Koyi Nahin!

Haan to bilkul in the andaaz of Shahrukh Bhai, sab milke boliye, Ladeez and Gentlemaans aur Baays and Girrllls, Funnnn Weeel Caaam!

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ab koyi Libertarian ho, Brahmin ho ya Iranian ho, kya faraq padta hai? Kitna logon ka is tarah se kutting karenge aur dilon ko todenge?

Kya Baat hai Pallo Ji!

Alok said...

But really, hum Chidambaram Saheb se humble request karenge ki woh kuch extra tax lagaye un Bloggers par jo humein itna pakaate hai aur dukhi kartein hain.

amen!!

Pasumaatu Paalkaaran said...

"Cows are good gentle animals. But we wonder if there is a deeper meaning behind it."

Mishter Varma ees ignorant. He talk about pasu maadu, but not about paal kaaran.

If he putting "vandhen da paalkaaran" (THALAIVA!!!!!!!!) video, then bilog become super hit. Also, Ramarajan singing "shenbagame, shenbagame" also required for better ranking.

Miss Palampur said...

@ Pallo Ke Dost: Dhanyawaad!

@ Alok Jee: Flogger Blog mein aapka swagat hain. Waise to aap ka ishaara sarchasm ki tarah shayad hain, lekin deliberately obtuse banna humarein liye ek bimaari si hain. Aur aap humein dukhi mat kijiye please, hum aap se bohut prem kartein hain, aapka saath humara hausla badaatha hain. Aate rahiyega.

@ Paalkaaran Jee: Bilkul sahi farmaya aapne. Jai Kissan, Jai Paalkaaran - now that should be the slogan.

Lolita Chatterjee said...

Palampur di,
Keymone aacho? Bhalo? I am hoping that eybaarer Byas Mela te you find your Prince Charming! *giggles*

A big nomoshkaar to all my other bens/ didis! Uff.. everybhaan is so cool!

Uff... I have been bhanting to and bhanting to write a post on the very drab, spark-less blog posts of Omit da! Bhance my poor Nontu da happened to read hi blog and poor thing, he got such a bad maatha (head) baytha (ache) that he had to be taken to homeopathic babu who gave him many medicashuns! Ufff!!! Maane! Shotti!

Aachaa, I was thinking, that why do we not start a little dating saarbhees for Omit da?! Maane, the only way to cure his pathetic attempts at pseudo-intellectualism is to hook him up with a hot chica *giggle* (I am watching Hip Hop gaan on Tee Bhee these days! Baba! Eeesh!) Let us therefore reach out to all the kind-hearted, good girls out there who want to do something *giggle* for the greater good! Young ladeez, if you bhaant to do something good for the Flog-o-sphere, ask Omit da out on a date! Take him away from his PC/laptop! And as they say in the new English series-Heroes:
Save Omit da, Save the Flog-o-sphere!

Omit da ke bhote deen! Bhote deen!

Jai Maa Kali!
Jai Sourav da!

Billo ChamanBahar said...

Miss Palampur:
What a lovely post, Pallo! Amit Varma was causing a lot of consternation to us item girls and wannabe actresses. I mean, he really thinks logon ko pakaana unka birthright hai but he should do it on his own steam. Not use innocent, unsuspecting entertainers like Rakhi Sawant and Koena Mitra to bring up his blog TRP's or rating points etc. I really have a problem with that.
Not only should he be taxed more, but also, if possible banned.
And you've also raised a very important question in that post... Agar itna samay Blog par bitayein, to ghar kaise chalate honge?
Unemployment is a huge concern in this country if i'm not mistaken? Isn't it? But i guess, thats what you sit and do with your time if you aren't hot enough...
Or cool enough! Right?

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Pallojee,

Aapne itne khoobsurati se Amit Verma jee ke blog pe jo vishesh tipanee ki hai, usse humein bahut anand hua!

I am wanting to tell you also, that I am having the very fine evidence for further elaboration and nominesan of Amitjee for another awaard also. Pliss co-operate for this joint venture! dhanyawaad

Lolita didi,

Aapkee vishesh tipanee padkar hum yoonh hase ki ro diye! Aapke aur Ammu akka ke writings(aur Handsomejee ke lessans) padhkar hum bahut de-regionalised ho rahein hai. Bahut jaldee hum ingliss, hindi, tamil, marathi (actually hum 20% marathi hai) aur bengali mein blog karna shuru denge, aascharyachakit mat hona!

neha vish said...

Behenon, waise Amit ji ka vivah sampann hue kaafi time hogaya. Magar, dating service ki zaroorat toh aur logon ki bhi hai. Isliye, is fabulous idea pe rok na lagayen.

Anonymous said...

Jaani, jo log D School jaatein hai, woh doosro par pathar nahin phenkte hain? Sahi bola humne?

Alma Mater

Miss Palampur said...

@ Lolo Di: Tumhi ekdam theek bolchish. Dating site is a bhery good idea. Shayad humara revenue model bhi ban jaayein!

@ Billo Ben: Indeed! We are all the fans of Mallika Sherawat and the sisterhood. Nobody had better mess with them! Unemployment is a concern? Uff, is sab ke baarein mein humein kya pata?!

@ V Ben: Humein aise collaboration bohut pasand hai. Joy aur Fun dono hi aayenge jee!

@ Vish Behen: Hum Lolo Di se yah kah rahein they ki, idea unka bohut badiya hain. Uff, humaare vichaar kitne milte hain. Kyonki aap humaare pasandita Blogger hain hum chahenge ki aap aate rahiyega humara hausla badhane ke liye.

@ Mater Jee: Aapko kaise pata ki hum D School gayein? Dimpy Aunty is famous-shamous. I must tell her.

Anonymous said...

Pallo Dawling,

Why be "deliberately obtuse" with friends?

Higgy wouldn't approve, the way you have disowned the Mater.

Mater Jee

Anonymous said...

Who are these Joy and Fun?

Anonymous said...

Very, very fun!

I would like it much more if you would also have a contributor from West of India. Can I apply, pliss?

Dhokla Ben

PS: Palloji, aapka photo atyant hot hai!

Anonymous said...

Pallo Ji, I labh you!

Anonymous said...

Cuntlickers, I labh you too. Go on, if it suits your teeny brains to analyse and dissect thousands of posts go ahead, why not eh? And not to mention it solves the unemployment problem. Or you could get out onto the streets and suck cock (if anybody will let you). Or you can suck mine by paying a token fee. But all together, okay, pussies?

Lolita Chatterjee said...

Aye Anonymous da (who is asking us to suck on rooster!)...

We are all animal labhars.... So, please do not ask us to get pheeseecaal with animals! I think you are jaast jealous! You don't have any friends? Sisters? Brothers? Are you lonely? Do you get pheelings when you see roosters? In my small town there is Jantoo Baba who can cure anything.. even unnatural labh for animals!

Eeesh... Poor you!

Miss Palampur said...

@ Kant Jee Ke Fan: Helloji. Most happy that such intelligent-shintelligent meta physicists and pillowosphers read our Teeny Brains Wallha Blog. Hum dhanya huyein etc. Just one clarification Mr Labher, we did NOT ask for YOUR permission. Please keep coming back and giving us all the gyaan on any further metaphysical deduction that you manage to.

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Anonymous jee, next time type karne se pehle
1. ek se dus tak ginein.2
2. Fir soche.
3. Ek baar aur fir se sochein
4. Apne Kamputer ko aag laga de

mention naat

Anonymous said...

Ok, funny enough yes...
But I just HAVE to hand it to ya guys for bein the most jobless mofos eva...
Some locus you got...to be talkin bout how lonely Varma is...

Micky "bullet" McGee said...

"But I just HAVE to hand it to ya guys for bein the most jobless mofos eva.."

Anywon else see the irony of thees statement? He comes here, comments anonymously and he says you are jobless. Tee hee...

One mo theeng. whaat ees thees "locus"??? "Some locus you got" says commentor. I know locus could be the centre... but eet no make sense.


Ivanunga tholla thaangala ba. Ivanungalaa varaanunga, comment panraanunga.. idhellam pannitu mathavangala velai-vetti ille-nu solraanga. Idhukkelam ore solution thaan. Gaabtun-style hunt. Ellarayum thookuvom da!!!!

Anonymous said...

I love Dilip DSouza which is why I love this blog.

(Took me some time to locate the post in koschan. Maaf keejeeyegaa).

Anonymous said...

What joblessness is it that prompts you to research and critically analyze inconsequential rants on the web?!

The people you are defaming have a real life and they have painstakingly built up an online identity, how callously you trash them. And you also trash people who use their real identities to blog. I notice that most of your profiles show membership only to this blog. So you've created an identity just to abuse decent netizens while your own personal blogs are touted somewhere else!

Why don't you publish links to your own blogs, of exacting standards, to set an example? Or are you just too cowardly for that?

And jealous? Of what? A bunch of self-obsessed, middle aged, frustrated frumps? Please tell me you were kidding. I hope for your sake that you aren't that delusional!

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ to the kovam (enraged) anon above me:

Po da kanna poi moru kidi. Oh my dear dear anon, go drink moru (lassi) and cool down first. So caring you are about decent people on the net, no? I am touched. Now care for them some more and leave us alone, okay vaa? Run along now, go on!

Anonymous said...

Leave you alone? Mudiyaathu akkaa. I trash you just like how you trash poor ppls, yes? Vee are wun and the same. Lets yembrayce.

Anonymous said...

Above you??? LOL

You've started fantasizing about me already, bitch?

terah745 said...

You sound like Bachi Karkaria. Are you related to her?

Anonymous said...

I wish not agree on it. I think polite post. Specially the appellation attracted me to review the sound story.