Mar 24, 2007

Apani Kismat Ka Tuhi God

Namaskar to the bens and the boys!

Hum is rukawat ke liye maafi chaahte hain. Woh aisa hai, hum Vishwa Cup mein kuch zyada hi vyast ho gayein they, Blue Bhayion ne humein bohut dukhi bhi kar diya, theekh waise hi jaise ki humaare Blog Maha Purush humein kartein hain.

Khair isko kehte hain, pul ke neeche paani to hum move on kartein hain.

Is dukhant ghatna ke beech mein, humaare Blog Devataaon kaafi bujee rahein hain aur hum un sabhi ke posts par agle hafte se gaur karenge zaroor.

Lekin hum Bens ke sabse pyaare devata ne ek bohut hi dilchsap baat is beeech mein kahi hain, jiske baare mein hum quick tippani karna chahenge. Woh aisa hain, unka anumaan hai ki:

… God is a Couch Potato

Yaani ki: Bhagvan Ek Aloo Hain

Isko agar hum ladder karte hain, to hum is nateeje par pahunch saktein hain ki, Inzamam Ul Haq ko unhone bhagwan ghoshit kar diya hain.

Hum to Falsie Bhaii se yahi kehna chahenge ki, humaare bhagwan sirf wahi ho saktein hain. Aur sheegra hi hum is baare mein aur vistaar se humare POV ko pesh karenge. Is beech mein hum humaare paathakon se yeh vinti zaroor karenge ki woh humare is slogan contest mein bhaag le.

Is vakya ko pura karein:
Falsie Bhaii hi humarein bhagwan hain kyonki…

Contest ke Niyam

  • Tees shabdon ke andar likhein.

  • Koyi Footnote ka istemaal na karein.

  • Nakal na karein

  • Agar aap female hain, tabhi aap is pratiyogita mein bhaag le sakte hain. (Haan agar aap bohut dreamy aur hot hain, aur achi angrezi bolte hain to boys ko bhi hum consider kar sakte hain. Photo ka link bhejiye zaroor)

Khair, abhi humein chalna hai vapas. Dimpy Aunty aaj humein sikhane wallhi hai – Mal Puva!

Kahin mat jayiega! Aa rahin hain, bohut jald, Flogger Blog mein – Billo Chamanbahar!

Mar 6, 2007

Most bereft of all rhyme or reason blogger aka surefire candidate for the assisted living facility award--Nominee profile 1

Anaivarukkum vannakam. Romba saari for orey the neglecting thees flogger blog. Intha miga periya kutrathukku nan ennoda Shiva perumaan kita mannippu kekaraen. Podhuma? I was bijee becaas my amma is looking for gundu baais for my varapora marriage as I am sorrowfully getting too old to still depend on my parents for peerkanga thogayal and thayir saadham.

Chee chee I am feeling so bashful to exshplain the ponnu paakara process. Yeneway I shall plough on. I wore my neela kalar pattu podavai and strung jasmine around my braid and my amma made me sing keerthanai which I sang abaswaramaa and I also served semiya payasam and urulaakazhangu bonda to my prospective gundu purushans. But I have oru confeeshan. I am slyly stealing looks at pakatthu aathu paiyyan and his name is Jambulingam and he’s a good tamil boy from a traditional tamil family, and they are from Tiruvidaimarudur. I have secretly made him my purushan in my heart. So ellarum pray for me! I want to get married in six months (preferably to Jambulingam, aiyo!) and not be a burden to my paavum amma and appa. Aaandava, ithu enna sodhanai!

Speaking of sodhanai’s and rodhanai’s, we have to fill up the other nominations, no? Adhunaala, I am happy to announce that Kiruba is our firsht nominashun for the Most bereft of all rhyme or reason blogger aka surefire candidate for the assisted living facility award.

I would like to say on the outset that this award has nothing to do with Kiruba’s remarkable brand of blogging or to put it bluntly, his brand of non-blogging. You really have to extol the man for his singular posts. I mean, it must be immeasurably difficult to constantly maintain a standard of utmost mediocrity, and Kiruba has been successfully doing it for years!

I will not pick on his poor grammar or spelling skills. Heck, I am even willing to overlook the sycophantic “Great job Kiruba. Keep going.” or “Hats off to you Kiruba! I have been following your blog for X number of years!” or “Hi Kribs, you are truly great. Keep up your work, you are really inspiring” type comments. I have a nagging suspicion that these exercises in crapulence are published by Kiruba himself as the majority of them are from non-bloggers but I will apply restraint and stop my conspiracy theories here.

But being a fair minded ponnu and all I decided to skim through his posts, for something, anything to give me a glimmer of hope in Kiruba’s blogging skills. Sadly I was more than disappointed. When you order oru plate idli and you get only thengai chutney and sambhar but no idli, the disappointment is immense. Such was the depth of my despair after skimming through Kiruba’s blog.

I did come to realize that there is a pattern to Kiruba’s non-blogging. If he’s not openly bragging about the various mentions of his blog in the media, he’s frenziedly starting worthless websites with irksome names like Extra bed, The Kiruba show, Wikicamp, Wiki-illatha camp, and so on and so forth. To top it all off he’s relentlessly organizing one inane meet after the other and what astounds me is the fact that universities and other organizations in India invite him to give periya speeches and all and it continues, this special brand of rubbishy non-blogging farce with no end in sight.

The icing on the fake blogging cake however was this post.

I have no problems with Kiruba’s endeavors to raise money in order to help his injured neighbour. But is it absolutely paramount and necessary to plaster pictures of the boy on his blog while he’s scarred and semi-conscious in the Intensive Care Unit? I always thought Kiruba was a little soft in the head but this exceeds my expectations. Not only is Kiruba a man with questionable sanity, but with this post however he has proven beyond a doubt that he is treacherously callous and insensitive. Would anyone possessing even a whit of tact think of saying something as offensive as this?

“I leaned toward Prabhu's ears and told him of all the financial support that we were able to collect to meet his hospital expenses. He wanted to convey his thanks to all (and as he spoke these words, his eyes began to well up). The 'sister', seeing his tears immediately asked me to step aside and told me that if be begins to cry or weep, he might develop cold and cough. And if he coughs, it would be terribly hurting for him. I didn't bring up the topic again.”

Therefore, in lieu of all this damning evidence I implore you to come forward and vote for our King of the blogosphere, Kiruba! He has worked hard in narcotizing his readers to spread his hypnotic ‘number 1 position in the Indian blogosphere’ pseudo mantra with stunning levels of blogging mediocrity and it is only fair that we include the King in our polls as well.

So, long live the King!

Kiruba Vazhga!