Mar 6, 2007

Most bereft of all rhyme or reason blogger aka surefire candidate for the assisted living facility award--Nominee profile 1

Anaivarukkum vannakam. Romba saari for orey the neglecting thees flogger blog. Intha miga periya kutrathukku nan ennoda Shiva perumaan kita mannippu kekaraen. Podhuma? I was bijee becaas my amma is looking for gundu baais for my varapora marriage as I am sorrowfully getting too old to still depend on my parents for peerkanga thogayal and thayir saadham.

Chee chee I am feeling so bashful to exshplain the ponnu paakara process. Yeneway I shall plough on. I wore my neela kalar pattu podavai and strung jasmine around my braid and my amma made me sing keerthanai which I sang abaswaramaa and I also served semiya payasam and urulaakazhangu bonda to my prospective gundu purushans. But I have oru confeeshan. I am slyly stealing looks at pakatthu aathu paiyyan and his name is Jambulingam and he’s a good tamil boy from a traditional tamil family, and they are from Tiruvidaimarudur. I have secretly made him my purushan in my heart. So ellarum pray for me! I want to get married in six months (preferably to Jambulingam, aiyo!) and not be a burden to my paavum amma and appa. Aaandava, ithu enna sodhanai!

Speaking of sodhanai’s and rodhanai’s, we have to fill up the other nominations, no? Adhunaala, I am happy to announce that Kiruba is our firsht nominashun for the Most bereft of all rhyme or reason blogger aka surefire candidate for the assisted living facility award.

I would like to say on the outset that this award has nothing to do with Kiruba’s remarkable brand of blogging or to put it bluntly, his brand of non-blogging. You really have to extol the man for his singular posts. I mean, it must be immeasurably difficult to constantly maintain a standard of utmost mediocrity, and Kiruba has been successfully doing it for years!

I will not pick on his poor grammar or spelling skills. Heck, I am even willing to overlook the sycophantic “Great job Kiruba. Keep going.” or “Hats off to you Kiruba! I have been following your blog for X number of years!” or “Hi Kribs, you are truly great. Keep up your work, you are really inspiring” type comments. I have a nagging suspicion that these exercises in crapulence are published by Kiruba himself as the majority of them are from non-bloggers but I will apply restraint and stop my conspiracy theories here.

But being a fair minded ponnu and all I decided to skim through his posts, for something, anything to give me a glimmer of hope in Kiruba’s blogging skills. Sadly I was more than disappointed. When you order oru plate idli and you get only thengai chutney and sambhar but no idli, the disappointment is immense. Such was the depth of my despair after skimming through Kiruba’s blog.

I did come to realize that there is a pattern to Kiruba’s non-blogging. If he’s not openly bragging about the various mentions of his blog in the media, he’s frenziedly starting worthless websites with irksome names like Extra bed, The Kiruba show, Wikicamp, Wiki-illatha camp, and so on and so forth. To top it all off he’s relentlessly organizing one inane meet after the other and what astounds me is the fact that universities and other organizations in India invite him to give periya speeches and all and it continues, this special brand of rubbishy non-blogging farce with no end in sight.

The icing on the fake blogging cake however was this post.

I have no problems with Kiruba’s endeavors to raise money in order to help his injured neighbour. But is it absolutely paramount and necessary to plaster pictures of the boy on his blog while he’s scarred and semi-conscious in the Intensive Care Unit? I always thought Kiruba was a little soft in the head but this exceeds my expectations. Not only is Kiruba a man with questionable sanity, but with this post however he has proven beyond a doubt that he is treacherously callous and insensitive. Would anyone possessing even a whit of tact think of saying something as offensive as this?

“I leaned toward Prabhu's ears and told him of all the financial support that we were able to collect to meet his hospital expenses. He wanted to convey his thanks to all (and as he spoke these words, his eyes began to well up). The 'sister', seeing his tears immediately asked me to step aside and told me that if be begins to cry or weep, he might develop cold and cough. And if he coughs, it would be terribly hurting for him. I didn't bring up the topic again.”

Therefore, in lieu of all this damning evidence I implore you to come forward and vote for our King of the blogosphere, Kiruba! He has worked hard in narcotizing his readers to spread his hypnotic ‘number 1 position in the Indian blogosphere’ pseudo mantra with stunning levels of blogging mediocrity and it is only fair that we include the King in our polls as well.

So, long live the King!

Kiruba Vazhga!


Lolita Chatterjee said...

Oh Ammu di!
I bhill day and night pray to Maa Durga and Maa Kali so that your labh ishtory with Jambu da becomes happily ever after! Labh labh labh, it ees such a bhonderphul thing! :) Shottee! :)

Tumi phantastik post likecho!!! Maane daaroon!!!!

I labh this post! This man (?) Kiruba da sounds like he has not even passed High School English! Uff... it is so tragic that Ronnie da is in Kolkata these days, else i am sure he would have helped Kiruba da with his English, especially basic Grammar and spellings! Shhottee!

Baat.. I am thinking, if Kiruba da is actually in the phewchaar living in an assisted phacility, then imagine how tired and suidical he will make all the assisted phacility people?! I am shaddering in my monkey cap thinking of such a day!


Kiruba da ke bhote deen!

Long live the rebholution! I labh Marx da and Sourav da! :-*

Vijay Krishna said...

I'm no fan of Kiruba, but the post reads like the work of what Goundamani (da?) would refer to as "உள்ளூர் வயத்தெரிச்சல் கோஷ்டி"

Vaijayanthi Ben said...


Ammu akka, neenga romba super!

Long live ammu akka!

Yeh assisted living faseeleetee kya cheez hai?

jaguar thangam said...

Tho daa...vandhutaaru namba Vijay Krishna, Kiruba oda jing-chack. Dei perisa goundamani aa quote pannariye, do you make even an iota of sense? Learn the difference between criticism and vayathu erichal for all our sakes, before you make asinine statements. Thuu.

Bala said...

Ammu = The other Nilu? (or Nilu?)

Chaddi Baniyan Dhaari Gang Member said...

I can confirm that Ammu ≠ The Other Nilu

Chandrachoodan said...

Ammu != Other Nilu. Other Nilu != Ammu. I think...

Miss Palampur said...

Ammu Akka, as usual bohut badiya post likha aapne Waise this Kiruba Anna writes bohut lame and silly posts. I thought he was the harmless type, till he wanted to do proudy things and show how kind he is. Uff.

Aur log kya bol rahein hain yahan par? Cultural context ko hum yahan par miss kar rahein hain. Ammu Akka, you please explain.

Yeh, Nilu Nilu kya hai bhaii? Lagta hain bohut saare Vivek Mushran fans hain yahan par. Tchee tchee.

Aur akka, Jambu Bhaiya wallhi baat ke liye good luck.

Miss Palampur said...

One more thing Akka, we were going to do a Double Whammy I thought, Two Annas and One Award. Nahin?

Anonymous said...

Palampur Ki Miss, Bahut nainsaafi hai!

"Indian" Subbaiah said...

vijay kissna ஆபிசர்,
குட் மார்னிங் ஆபிசர். என்னங்க ஆபிசர்? "உள்ளூர் வயத்தெரிச்சல் கோஷ்டி"-ஆ? இல்லீங்க ஆபிசர். இதுக்கு பெர் அது இல்லீங்க ஆபிசர்.

ஆனாலும் ஆபிசர்.. நான் அண்ட ஜால்ரா பாதிருக்கென், ஆகச ஜால்ர பாதிருக்கென், ஆனா இன்த அளவுக்கு ஒரு ஜால்ர-வ பார்ததில்லெ டா சாமீ.

அது எப்பிடீங ஆபிசர் இப்பிடி வெட்கமே இல்லாம, ஈன மானம் இல்லாம பேசரீங ஆபிசர்? இந்த பொழபுக்கு தூக்கு மாட்டிட்டு சாவலாம் ஆபிசர்.

Anonymous said...

kiruba is the number one blogger. you bitches are just jealous. get a life bitch.

Anonymous said...

you assholes have no respect for other bloggers. all you can do is fart through ur mouth.

quickGunMurugan said...


Whaat about Great Bong... He deserves a good flogging..

Ladiezz, wonderful work.. great phun to read yourr posts.. carry on..

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Lolita ben:

Romba thanks Lolita ponnu! I yam also doing a vendhuthal to get my Jambu. Shiva Shiva, I am hoping that my shy Jambu paiyyan comes around!

@ Clueless Vijay Krishna jee:

Oh what lou you have for Kiruba jee. Yit is so nice to see a Kiruba chyeerleader here. Makes for fairness on both sides and all that yarn.
So give me a K!

@ V ben:

Romba thanks ben! Onga support naala thaan nan pozhacindiruukaen. Assisted living faseeleetee = people with soft heads get assisted. Purinjitha!

@ Jaguar thangam jee:

Enna kalyanam panniko!

@ Bala jee:

Yaaru andha nilu peelu?

@ Chaddi baniyan dhaari gang member jee:

Chee chee, asingama chaddi pathi pesindu. Vekkama illai onnaku?

@ Chandrachoodan jee:

Aiyo you are one of our Kadaval's jee! I am orey the star struck. Amma, itha neelu peelu pechu inga nidithalaama?

@ Palampur ben:

Romba nandri for yuvar support! Jambu paiyyan and me need laats of supporting for our Kaadhal.

And I am orey the conpeesed by all this neelu peelu talk!

@ Indian subbiah jee:

Goundamani saar, neenga inga darshanam kudupaenga nu naanga edhurpaakavae illai. Naanga kuduthu vechirkonum.

@ anonymous jee (pallavi):

Poda kanna velai a paathundu po.

@ anonymous jee (anupallavi):

vaayu lendhu farting? Is it becaas of medhuvadai?

@ Quick gun murugan (charanam):

Greatbong is one of our divine beings and we will definitely give him the attention he so deserves.

Anonymous said...

"Greatbong is one of our divine beings and we will definitely give him the attention he so deserves."

Somehow, I read that differently.

Greatbong is one of our asinine beings and we will definitely skin him alive.

Billa said...

Yeah, I second quickGunMurugan and the anon after him. GreatBong needs to be skinned. He is a bloody racist "I-am-pompous-and-always-right" asshole.

Dilip D'Souza said...

GreatBong needs to be skinned. He is a bloody racist "I-am-pompous-and-always-right" asshole.

Very good. And who should take seriously someone who calls people "bloody racist" and says they need to be "skinned"?

Answer: nobody.

Joker Jambu said...

"And who should take seriously someone who calls people "bloody racist" and says they need to be "skinned"?

Answer: nobody."

Anyone else finding it hilarious that Dilip is actually taking that guy seriously? Of course, it just proves what we already know.

Dilip = Nobody.

I'll be here all week.

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