Feb 18, 2007

Lassi Jaisii Koyii Nahiin

At a dhaba somewhere in the Flog-O-Sphere HighwayKaun Fused?, Cow Shit Karma and K Chick from Duh-Land are consoling Suck-It Will-Ya over many glasses of lassi.

Suck-It Will-Ya: I hate Popaddum Madrasis. Now I understand what Jade Goody was going through in the Big Brother’s House. Shilpa Shetty is a Madrasi isn’t it?

Kaun Fused?: Dude, I must first of all say that you are stupid. Of course, only a pot can call a kettle black, you see. But really, I don’t think you are a racist. Just a dumbf*&^%. That is much better you know.

K Chick from Duh-Land: I agree with you SW. Madrasi chicks are so not on. I can’t imagine who would want to see them without clothes. I wonder if I can take part in the hottest chick contest? All my proportions are so small and just right. Especially my EQ. What do you think boys?

Cow Shit Karma: I think all of this is pointless. Why can't people just watch videos on Youtube.

Suck-It Will-Ya: People are so insecure man. It is shocking. Madrasis are ugly and they don’t have a sense of humor also.

K Chick from Duh-Land: How true man. It must be so sad to be them. Give me my life any day. At least I get laid. And I am fair skinned and nicely proportioned. Not too big you know. Especially my IQ…

Kaun Fused?: Dude, I must say this again - you are stupid. So you are not getting laid by Madrasi Chicks, surely that is no reason to be stupid. No Bong chick wants me. Correction: No chick wants me. Can we have beer instead?

Cow Shit Karma: I think all of this is pointless. Now if it were cows, that would be something. I wonder if Madrasi cows are hotter than the Non Madrasi ones?

Suck-It Will-Ya:
I think Madrasi chicks are like cows.

K Chick from Duh-Land: But cows are usually white in colour and Madrasi Chicks are not exactly fair skinned no, Suck-It Baba?

Kaun Fused?: Dude, did I tell you that you are stupid? How do I get Bong Chicks man?

Cow Shit Karma: When one can have cows, why get chicks? Much fun shall come I say.

Suck-It Will-Ya: I would rather do a cow than a Madrasi chick man.

Cow Shit Karma: Yes yes. Much fun shall come.

Kaun Fused?: This is stupid man. But what the hell! As long as I get a Bong cow!

K Chick from Duh-Land: Boys, I am looking at the atlas. I can’t seem to find Madras. It is beyond Virar no?

Suck-It Will-Ya: And Madrasi boys are so horny. They Google for p*&n!

Kaun Fused?: Errr, don’t you? Remember what Girthbong had to say about Desibaba. Sigh, Bongs.

Cow Shit Karma:
Ever tried Cow *&n? Much fun shall come.

K Chick from Duh-Land: Suck-It Suck-It, do you check p*&^? If you say yes, I am leaving. Madrasi boys have to check, because their women are so uncool. But you? You?

Suck-It Will-Ya:
Oh shut up, there is no sex in my life. I am not ashamed or insecure about that. See, I admit to it. But Madrasis! Ugly cows.

Cow Shit Karma: Young man, cows are the most beautiful thing. Watch it will ya. You can do all your tongue-in-cheek with Madrasis. Leave them cows.

Kaun Fused?:
Ya man, you are stupid. Gai humari mata hai.

Suck-It Will-Ya:
Right. Aur Bandar humare baap hai.

Aapke honge sir. Humare to insaan hai. Aur kuch? Special Madrasi khana hai aaj. Lenge kya?
[Footnote 1] The nominees list shall be out on Friday. Our contributors are working overtime reviewing Blogs. So be a little more patient.

[Footnote 2] In the spirit of fairness we are looking at expanding the categories list. We don't want anyone to feel left out.

[Footnote 3] Yes, even WE do footnotes!!!


Anonymous said...

Ms Palampur,

Will you make loving fraindsheep with me?

Anonymous said...


Micky "bullet" McGee said...

Can I pliss to date with K-Chick from Duh-land. Oooh may I, may I? I could even (with a LOT of effort, I may add) pretend to be a dumbass, like our suck-it. Come to think of it, her name *could* rhyme with suck-it, with the right words, no?

Anonymous said...

Shivam Vij is stupid smelly cunt. He shits through his mouth and talks through his ass. He needs to go fuck a goat instead of a cow. That will put something in him.

Miss Palampur said...

@ Orkut-o-holicjee: Ms Palampur is flattered. But we Flogger Folks have already pledged undying love to all the Divine Devatas. Agle Janam, may be?

@ Ouchjee: Thoda aur vistaar se boliye?

@ Mickyjee: Aisa to hum apne dushmanon ke liye bhi nahin chahenge. Aur aap to Flogger Folks ke dost hai. Right?

@ Goat Loverjee: Dude, this is an animal friendly blog. We might LOVE cows, but we also have a healthy regard for goats. So please, do watch your tone. And Vij Saheb se koyi anban hai to, unse jaake khud kahiye. We Floggers Folks have other pressing agenda. So shoo!

Micky "bullet" McGee said...

Ms. Palampur ji (Amitabh, pardon me),
Due to ouvar unfaartunate mind, we were never able to grasp a workable knowledge of hindi, but I did manage to get a wonderful interpreter (think Nicole Kidman) to translate for us. We are very haanered, youvar haanar. Ess, we are very much friends of ze flogger. Need a ninja-pirate? Send word to Micky McGee. And "bullet" is ouvar middal name.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Reading your first Hindi-bharshen post, I almost fell in love with you. Yea, e'en to the fine points of your filed teeth and the dusting of hair on your upper lip.

But this last post is just a little too long and rambling.

Most curious - for why I should get one tight slap?


Anonymous said...

If there are really going to be awards, why delay. And why is this blog tragetting only a few set of Bloggers? I would like to see you include Shivam Vij and Krish. And let Vulturo be, he is a nice guy.

Anonymous said...

Yep.. include Shivam Vij too...

By the way, you have been accused of being shivam vij.

But I dont think so, he doesnt have this kind of sense of humour. He is an arsehole.

Anonymous said...

Include "Shivam Vij" in Pakana Zaroori Hai.. He is easily the most boring person around.

I understand why people think that this is shivam here. You havent included Shivam in the "Pakana zaroori hai" poll.. when he is the most qualified for the title !!

Anonymous said...

I love Shivam Vij, which is why I love this Blog.

Anonymous said...

I love Dilip D'Souza, which is why I love this blog.

Falstafflover said...

I hate all male Bloggers besides Falstaff. So I love this Blog. Please kill Vulturo and Greatbong. Thanks.

Falstaff Lover said...

Also Amit Verma. Especially Amit Verma.

Anonymous said...

I love Falstaff, which is why I love this Blog.

Anonymous said...

I love girls, which is why I love this Blog!

Anonymous said...

I love Benedryl, which is why I love this Blog.

Anonymous said...

I think Shivam Vij must be seeing one of these women. If they are different women, of course?

Anonymous said...

J.A.P. ko Slap
Kiya Jaye. One cheek after
the other.

Anonymous said...

I hate J.A.P, which is why I love this Blog.

Anonymous said...

dcubed, stick to your own blog, awright??

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ JAP: Dont you dare confuse our identities. The first hindi bharshen post was written by our beloved Vaijayanthi ben. Get it right, old man.

Parattai said...

@ J.A.P.I.D.I.O.T

"Reading your first Hindi-bharshen post, I almost fell in love with you. Yea, e'en to the fine points of your filed teeth and the dusting of hair on your upper lip.

But this last post is just a little too long and rambling.

Most curious - for why I should get one tight slap?

Whoa whoa whoa. Who IS this guy? Seriously. And he says the post is rambling. Oh the irony of it.

Seriously though Mr Frock, you seem mighty insecure. You seem to pass out unsolicited advice, correct grammar (are you a free spell checker? If so, I have news for you - fuck the fuck right off, frock.), not to mention have a "holier than the biggest hole" attitude. And you ask why you deserve a tight slap. I'd say you don't deserve a tight slap but rather, a baseball bat to the head -rinsed and repeated for a hundred times. Now run along little one, go see a psychiatrist about those insecurity issues of yours, that seem to manifest as a need to offer advice, correct spellings and have an asshole-ish air about you.

Anonymous said...

know whut? i've always bleeved JAP and DDSouza are one and the same guy, and now I'm sure. i bleev the both of them are behind this blog.

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Miss Palampur Baheen, bahut khoob!

(Lekin bade dukh ki baat hai ki yeh sab naujawaan humein purush samajhte hain..)

Lolita Chatterjee said...

Shonas and darlings and beloved Miss Palampur,
Eyta is a funtastic post! Ufff... I am rolling heyer and theyer with laughter! My goats are looking at me with so maaach curiosity!
But why are all anonymous people saying they love benadryl and other bloggers?!
Aye Anonymous dada/didi, wear a monkey cap everyday and save yourself from the cold. Always works for us Bangalees.

thalassa_mikra said...

As far as I know, there is only one Indian blogger who can pull off the multiple-personality posting on display on this blog. Good job hon!

Vaijayanthi Ben (you have exactly one Tamil parent and one Gujarati parent?), tum sangharsh karo, hum tumhare saath hain. Apne ripu se damit na ho, unka daman karo.

And the anonymous fucktard who said all that shit about JAP - your blabbering is a sad comment on your own insecurities more than anything else. Also, your insults neither amuse nor bite, perhaps you should introspect a bit more on your own mediocrity?

Anonymous said...

"there is only one Indian blogger who can pull off the multiple-personality posting on display on this blog. Good job hon! "

Got that right, Thal! It's what I said -- it's Dilip! Good job Dcubed! We see through you! But appreciate it all the same!

Also I want to repeat your defence of JAP. Hard to believe the unwarranted viciousness.

Miss Palampur said...

@ Bulletjee: Badiya hai. The Band of Bens will soon get in touch with you!

@ Eliot Lover Jee: J.A.P. ‘Da, aapko humara pranaam. Aap aaye humarein Blog par etc. Aapka special love for V Ben ko humne sahi jagah convey kar diya hai. Aapne humari ben ko pasand kiya, ye humein pasand karne ke barabar hi hai.
Aur rahi baat slap ki, woh aisa hai we are doing our own for peace in the Blog Waste Land. We want to put an end to sin sharing and stuff you know. Am sure you know enough Baudelaire, It is in hateful objects that we find peace. In the spirit of fairness we want everyone to have a shot at the Floggies. Finally Junta will only decide ki, Maar Ya Chod Diya Jayein.

@ All-Inclusive Jee: Suggestion ke liye, thanks. Is baare mein sochenge zaroor.

@ Shiv Vij Hate Club: Humare blog ko love karne ke liye, shukriya. Raheen baat Vij Saheb ki, us bare mein bhi sochenge zaroor.

@ Devataaon Loving Club: This obligatory love for Divine Bloggers is most sad. Kahin yeh Sunk Cost Fallacy na ban jaayein. Eco-no-meeks mein isko “irrational” behavior kahte hai.

@ Girl Lover Jee: Very fine taste you have.

@ Benedryl Lover Jee: And we love all members of Alcoholics Anonymous.

@ Multiple Identity Disbeliever Jee: Clarification 1: We are different people – Fox Force Five! Clarification 2: We are not making frainsheep with Vij Saheb. Yet.

@ Wannabe Haiku Jee: Achi koshish. Shabash! Aur Gandhigiri mein bhi aap vishwaas rakhte hai? Badhiya Hai!

@ Vij Hater Jee: Hate all Losers, Love Only Floggers!

@ Dcubed Stuck Jee: Sirf woh hi kyon? Hum samajhte hai har kissi ko apne Blog par hi apna saara dhyaan dena chahiye.

@ Ammu Ben: Clarification ke liye shukriya.

@ Parattai Jee: Ouch, everyone has someone to hate it would seem!

@ JAPubed Jee: Agar Hindu Dharam mein vishwaas rakhte hai, to aap ye to jaante honge ki devataaon ke kayi roop, aakar, prakaar, avatar hote hain. Aur hum Osborne School of Thinking ko maante hai – What if God was… Just a slob like one of us. To aapka Andaza sahi bhi ho Sakta hai. Humarein Blog-World ke Ram aur Shyam.

@ Vaijayanti Ben: Namaskaar Namaskaar. Sahi kehti hain aap. Vakai mein bahut dukh ki baat hai.
Flogging nahin Blogger devataon ke bas ki baat
Isse karne ke liye chahiye special skill or what.
Tez Dimaag, bada Dil aur zubaan jo bole sach
Bhala ho sakta hai koyi Male Blogger such?

@ Lolita Ben: Ki Cholche? Nontoo Da and Shontoo Da, Bhalo? Congratulations on Dada’s Man of Series Award! :) Khub Khush Huyi Hogi! Duniya mein itna zyada pyaar dekhkar khusi to hoti hai na?

@ thalassa_mikra: Welcome to the Floggers Blog. Do visit again.

@ D-Obsessed: Please don't read so much meaning into the fact that we have a Dilip Kumar Award. Bachein ki jaan loge kya?

Anonymous said...

Let JAP be. Funny and nice man he is. Focus on Mr Fakester Shivam Vij and Pukey Kiruba.

Anonymous said...

Nobody did a better Devdas than Dilip Saheb.

Anonymous said...

@ Thalassa

"your insults neither amuse nor bite"

On the contrary, my dear deluded Sherlock-wannabe, you did bite the bait. And I say that as a neutral observer. So, IMO, job well done by the person who laid the bait.

Silly fish. Deluded in thinking that baits are real food. Never bite something that is too good to be true.

thalassa_mikra said...

Anonymous my crumpet, I'd like to think of myself as a fin de siècle William of Baskerville, if you will.

You tried to insult JAP. I called you out on your doofus-ness. And now, carry on your post-facto rationalization.

Dilip said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Dilip D'Souza said...

Got pointed here by someone (jinka naam bahut hi top cigarette mamla hai).

Wo kya hai na, humko maloom tha ki yeh sab falana-falana honewala hai. Khali-pili log pagal ho jate hain. Isliye main kehta hoon, yeh poora-ka-poora mera kaam hai. Jee haan. Mera kaam. Comments bhi, posting bhi, gaali bhi, a-nony-chuhe bhi. Poooooora-ka-poora.

Theek hai? Ab saare chhote nanhe-munhe bacche taali bajao, chalo taali bajao? Yes. Vary good. Like that. Dhanyavaad aur Namaskar.

Arre sorry. Isko "secret" kehte hain? "Cigarette" nahin? Vary sorry.

Same anon who said Hi to thalassa said...

"You tried to insult JAP. I called you out on your doofus-ness. "

You what now? Two things:
1. Wasn't me. Losing our touch, are we?
2. Yeah, whatever.

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Dilip jee:

Chee chee, shame on you for taking all the credit for our hard work. We are very disappointed at your lack of propriety jee, very VERY disappointed.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Amnesty from slaps and baseball bats, please.

This blog could be the work of Ani aka Gamesmaster G9. US footprint, some Economics, listens to Ozzy, calls me 'old man', Bong allusions. Style fits.

And TM's point about earlier pulling off a schizo blog.


thalassa_mikra said...

Actually, I wasn't referring to Dilip at all (no offence Dilip, but the girl(s) trumps you at satire).

I was thinking of someone who is a polyglot - excellent Hindi, all the Bong references are spot on, and wants to call out Vulturo on his bullshit "Madrasi" posts.

There is only one blogger who has spent time in the relevant corners of the country and would be personally offended by the Vulturo posts. Think, my poppets, think!

And JAPda, I don't think it's Ani. The Hindi is just not him.

Anonymous hi sayer - It wasn't you? Well, my bad then. Sorry for the curtness, it wasn't directed at you.

Anonymous said...

Neha Vish, anybody?

Anonymous said...

come on you bastard shivam,, out with it..

Dilip, how do your kids even tolerate you??

Anonymous said...

Shut up Moron. Shivam Vij is the best blogger around today. Stop picking on someone who is honest.

Dilip D'Souza said...

no offence Dilip, but the girl(s) trumps you at satire...

Thal, no offence taken in the least. Much of the world trumps me at satire. Hell, I trump me at satire.

Anonymous said...

I love Dilip, which is why I love this Blog.

Anonymous said...

Dilip Kumar I mean.

Anonymous said...

I love Anonymous, which is why I love this blog.
I also love Amoxycillin, which is why I love this blog.

Anonymous said...

Pallo Ji, Aap se hum bahut prasan hai.

Anonymous said...

Miss Palampur, I love you. Agar aap tree ko chod de to hum par bhi apna tirchi nazar ghoomayiye.