Feb 25, 2007

Padosee ke chulhe se aag laii le (Blog post that made you want to torch the Blogger HQ award--Nominee profile 1)

Akkkhheinnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Terminator ke ishtyle mein, "I am back". Aapne humko miss you kiya? Kindly escoose, becaaj humaare pappu ka eggjaam tha. Already hum keh chuke hain ki hum sirf forath standard ke padhein hain. Isliye humko pappu ko shake-isspeare sikhaane mein thodee dhikkat hotee hai.

Akkkhheinnnnnnnnnnnnnn!

Eggjaam Eggjaam karte karte humein yaad aaya, aaj ka kaaryakram- The Eggjaamined Life. Deviyon aur sajjanon, aaj hum aapke saamne humaare nominee ko prasthut karenge.

*taaliyaan taaliyaan*

Jinke Blog post ne aapko khudkhusee ke taraf dhakel diya awaard aka blog post that made you want to torch the Blogger HQ award

*opens the little golden envelope*

Aur is awaard ke nominee hai............................
Ravikiranjee......... jinhonein apne "middle class of india" blog post se humaare pappu and chunnu donon ko rula diya aur humaara mood kharaab kiya jisse humnein daal jalaadee jiski vajah se humaare pateedev ne humko chappal se maara. Ravikiranjee, you owe big time!

Becaaaj bharatiya blog bhumika bhaarat ki tarah guntantra hai, kaaryakram ka baaki hissa hum angrezi mein pesh karenge. Pappu ke English sir Handsome Singh Hottie (jo bahut hi dreamy hai) ne anuvaad karne mein humaari maddad ki!

"Dear Middle-Class of India", he says. It is not often in this country, that the middle class of India gets representation, so in the vain hope that I have a voice, I sit up and take notice.

Oh, but no sooner does he have my attention than he proceeds to take a dump over the collective middle class in his misguided, misdirected attempt to save the Indian farmer.

"The topic you need to talk about is restriction you put on farmers, preventing them from selling their land for non-agricultural purposes. No, please don’t change the topic or use euphemisms."

We're not trying to change the topic, Ravikiran, we just don't have a clue what you're talking about! Last time I checked, I had no problem with Namdev selling or not selling his bajra farm to start his own gober gas plant.

Ravikiranjee goes to say that I, the middle-class Indian, is directly responsible for and I quote forcing landless labourers to travel long distances, not letting industries come up in backward areas, for the stunted growth of our cities, not letting small towns in India develop.

I, the middle class Indian who pays debilitating taxes on a not-so-substantial income, who makes up for tax-evading black-money-grubbing rich folk, mafia and so on, who makes excrutiating interest payments to secure a one bedroom hole in the wall in urban India, by owning a house or piece of land in those cities, am directly benefiting from the cruelty I am inflicting on farmers.

It is still unclear to me, the bumbling, clueless middle class Indian (who didn't get a chance to vote by the way but who's counting?) just exactly how I am responsible for the a problem so huge and involved given that Ravikiran also implicates corrupt politicians, bureaucrats, land sharks and industrialists.

Main Geeta ki (aur Ammu aur Billo ki bhi) saugandh khaake kehtee hoon ki main koi bhi politician ya industrialist ko nahin jaantee! Sach!!

There are also some mysterious statistics thrown in a charmingly arbitrary fashion- the source of these citations, much like Ravi's cranial matter is missing.

“Why have the benefits of liberalization not reached the poor even after 15 years of liberalization?”

I'll tell you why, for the same reason that
1. hundreds of crores of rupees can be masked in fodder costs
2. cops are going around raping young girls
3. Sanjay Dutt is a glorified hero and a leutinant general in the Indian army isn't

Maybe there is a real reason for these and other travesties. Maybe there is a solution. But a pompous and unsubstantiated taunting of a largely powerless, helpless section of society isn't it.

30 comments:

anantha said...

"...ke chulhe se aag laii le"

Yeh title tho, aapke saheli billo ki post ko isthemaal karni thi! Ab woh kya karegi?

Anonymous said...

I love Dilip D'Souza, which is why I love this blog.

Billo ChamanBahar said...

What a brilliant post, Vaijayanthi Ben! You do an amazing job of scouring the blogosphere for all the fakes and pseudos! Ravi Kiran certainly deserves to be flogged. As do all these armchair commie type people who think they've done their bit for the greater good of the underprivileged etc.
I mean, what do they know? I see it all whenever I go for shows in small towns and villages. People there actually buy the tickets to come watch me, so things aren't all that bad either as Ravi Kiran tries to make them sound from the comfy confines of his armchair!

@ Anantha:
Thanks a lot, sweetie for pointing that out. But you see, we're one big happy family here at Flog The Blog. And Vaijayanthi Ben is one of my biggest fans and I feel very flattered she used the lines from one of my hit songs as the title of this post. Her son sings it all the time too. Its rather cute :)

@ Anonymous:
Unsolicited information ke liye shukriya! What would we poor girls be without people like you who say so much... Much thanks dahling!

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Billo behen, thank you! and you are right.. Pappu and chunnu love your item numbers. Pateedevjee also, he has your poshter in the almirah. Also pliss to note strange metaphorical references that this number is capable of.. aag lagao-ing with other people's fires, you see?

Everyone else,milke bolo,
zaalim ka chod de makaan chod de oh billo!

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

No reason in the post you dissect. You could have tried for rhyme.

J.A.P.

Miss Palampur said...

@ JAP Da: Tanik phir se boliye to, kya bol rahein hai aap. Aur aap humaare side mein hain na?

@ V Ben: Pranaam. Bohut badiya likha aapne. Hum RK Saheb ke gripe nahin samajh paa rahein hain. If farmers sell land, then DDLJ ka second half and Pardes ka first half can’t happen. Bollywood will slowly fade out. That is like the world ending. So it is a Bollywood conspiracy that farmers are not allowed to sell their land. Yahin mean kar rahein they kya? Uff. Khair chodiye. Jeeja Jee ko pranam kahiyega. Aur Chunnu, Pappu aur Handsome Singh Hottie Jee ko humara prem.

Anonymous said...

When are you going to dissect Shivam and Dilip. They are the worse than RaviKiran.

Anonymous said...

Vaijayanathi Behen, Miss Palampur, Billo etc. - You girls really like Shivam Vij don't you? Disgusting.

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Vaijayanthi Ben:

Dhool kalapitey ma! Like the super duper opening scenes of our beloved thalaivaa Rajinikanth's movies, your opening lines evoked the same emotion in this 'Madrasi' ponnu. You and I share the same feelings about the greatness of Ravikiran as you already know.

@ Overzealous anonymous jee:

You secretly want them to win these awards, illai kanna?

@ Clairvoyant anonymous jee:

Oh you are practically a Jyotishi, jee! I will get all my blog sagodhiri's(sisters) and we will show you our janam kundali's and you can study our kundali's and tell us when we'll get our respective purushan's(husband) There is hope for us after all!

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

yo, who the phuck aar this shivam and dilip!? Are they like pappu and chunnu? Do they know the full lyrics of beedi?

humko koi bataao bhi!!!

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Miss Palampur may-dum, in the words of a sidey sidekick in Gupt, "Laakh rupye ki baat ki hai jee"

You are the right. All these bollywood directors want da punjaab to be full of da sarson da kheth, oi! If there i no kheth then the hero and heroine cannot sprint and hug with same romantic effect no?
And the gujarati ladeej in lehenga choli are impotent paart of shaadi dancing no?

anantha said...

C.H.Ammu:
....tell us when we'll get our respective purushan's(husband)...

huh? So all of you sexy gals are single? V.Ben too?

Anonymous said...

Bloody chick bloggers.

Anonymous said...

Bloody pseudo revolutionaries. Get a life, bitches. Or put up a better blog, after you've finished dildoing each others cunts and arses

Anonymous said...

From a 3rd person's point of view, whatever it is that you sluts are hoping to achieve (even though it may seem noble in your bite sized brains), it ain't working.

But if the intention is just to malign bloggers who are merely expressing their personal opinions in their personal pages, then yes, YES YES YES.

Perhaps defamation is in the extreme perimeter of circle of things you are capable of, yes? Go on, you seem to be doing that extremely well. and since you devote time and energy typing up blog posts about other blogposts, one tends to suspect... you aren't a bunch of terminally ill wannabes taking the last potshot at life, are you?

I was hoping to see one of you cunt-lickers as the next PM so we could see some improvement in this poor country, you know.

Billo ChamanBahar said...

Three Anonymous People Above:
Oooh getting nasty, aren't we? Now while we have absolutely nothing against being mean and bitchy, we do appreciate (and practice) doing so with a lot of class and intelligence. We are completely aware that we can also use very foul language and abuses in 5 different languages, but do we? No! 'Cos smart people slay with sarcasm and wit. Remember that now. Ok?

Billo ChamanBahar said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Billo ChamanBahar said...

Vaijayanthi Ben:
Much love to Pappu and Chunnu. Tell them I will do an item number on their birthdays just for them. And i'm embarrassed about your pateedev having my poshter and all... Not done! He's family! Please remove the poster from his almirah and present it to Handsome Singh Hottie instead ;)

Micky "bullet" McGee said...

"From a 3rd person's point of view, whatever it is that you sluts are hoping to achieve "

Yep. Completely unbiased view there. Why don't we all listen to Mr. Unbiased third-rate person.. I mean, third person over here?

neha vish said...

Madamjis. Kripya pratidin ek post toh likhiye. Nahin toh khana hazam nahin hota.

Majja aa gaya behnon.

J. Alfred Prufrock said...

Neha Vish is NOT one of you? I mean, one of US? I mean ... anyway, I thought she wrote at least PART of this blog.

Excuse me while I lie down for a while. I've already had TWO thoughts today and it's just too tiring.

J.A.P.

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Anantha (sayanam) jee:

Amam! We are too good for certain types of baais therefore we are still single. Except maybe Vaijayanthi ben. But she is not averse to sinful pheelings. Aiyo shiva shiva, naa romba pesitaen!

@ Neha vish jee:

Vanakkam. We will try to accomodate ongaloda request. But please keep visiting and we promise to not pick on you, ippodhekku.

@ Confused JAP jee:

Aiyo it is very ok jee, you go take rest. Too much thinking can be bad for ongaloda odambu (your body) especially in old age, I know.

thalassa_mikra said...

Ammu akka, not to be foretting all the frolicking around fields wearing full rajnartaki costume highlighting buxom assets for soooper enjoyment of Rajni saar and Mr. Prabhu.

As for the topic let's just say that from an economic standpoint, the American fast food industry is very efficient, cholestrol levels be damned!

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Mikra jee:

Oh yes yes ponnu! Frolicking with mallipoo (jasmine) and kanakambaram (marigold, I think) in my hair, wearing dhavani with nylon or chiffon pallu and running around trees with rajinikanth or captain vijaykanth and feeding each other medhuvadai has been a speshul kanavu (dream) of mine. Chee chee, mikra jee I cannot have darty thoughts like this. Aandavaa!

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Anon number ek,(Amar jee)

thank you for identifying sex correctly... you are di Fursht person who does this. Full marks.

Anon number do,(Akbar jee)

anuvaad kijiye please, Handsome singh jee ne yeh lessan sikhaaya nahi hai.

Anon number teen,(Anthony jee)

Hum Shaadeeshuda aurat hai! Humko aapne apne gandhe lafson se rulaa diya.

Lekin haan, humein paalitiks mein jaane chahiye, humaari padosee Mamta Ben kehtee hain ki hum bilkul Rabri Devi doopliket hain. Hum kosis karein?

Billojee, aapne ekdum fine ingliss mein jawaab de diya!

Mickeyjee,
Aap ekdum first rate hain. Aap pliss humaare ghar aaiyee. Hum aapke liye ispesal halwa ready kiye hain

Neha jee,

Hum aapke sajeshchan ko seriously lenge. Mention naat.

Jap Jee,

Aap kyon humko hamesha misunderestimate kartein hai? Hum deewaar ke phool (wallflower) hain. Sach. Aap humein nahi jaante.
Aap let jaaiye pliss.

neha vish said...

Pick on me aa? Enna thavam seiden?

We read you religiously madamji. I eat one more cookie in yuvar name right now.

And JAPda - no, I am not one of them. Hence the mortal fear of being flogged.

Vaijayanthi Ben said...

Neha jee,

fikar naat. Humaare paalitikal agenda mein is vakt bahut saare items aur item numbers hain. Filhaal hum inko niptaayenge. Fir dekhein to, ya to retire karenge, ya fir ladeej ki taraf nazar karenge.

Anonymous said...

Woah!!! So this is the strategy you cuntlickers use... Pounce on the tiniest hint of dissension and suck the detractor's cock or cunt as the case maybe? Not a bad idea, I say. But shaadi shudaa aurats doing that? chee chee chee.

We are all gutter wale. You are scum because your thinking is of a base gutter variety, I am too because I react to scum like you. you cant redeem it by slaying other gutterwale like yourselves (me me me) with sarcasm and wit.

What have you seen of life, you miserable lowlife fucktards... Useless armchair critics out to save the world! or is it just India??? Get a life, bitches. If you all grew a dick and were let loose, you'd all be rapists. You enjoy that kind of power and control dont you? Take a good look at yourselves.

Maybe you'd also want to take a look at the clauses of cyber law, about defamation.

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