Feb 21, 2007

The undersexed award of the year: nominee profile 1

Vannakam makkaley! I am glad to ring in the nominations by bringing to you the first ever nominee profile of the Indifloggies!

So.

This man has been spouting his unparalleled views on how not hot ‘madrasi’ chicks are when compared to ‘punju’ chicks and what not.

This. Man. [trigger warning: we will not be responsible for singed eyes, click at your own risk]

When he published his first post, I was weirdly affronted, mildly tickled and I actually felt a smidgen of pity for mister vulture in parts. But trust the vulture to come up with a flatulent follow-up post which ended up being ten times more nauseating than his first post. Apart from being arduously long (you will age considerably while trying to plod through the whole thing) it was one big excuseathon for him being a glorified prick.

Not convinced yet?

Why don’t you glance over these magnificent statements professed by our man, and then decide for yourselves whether the vulture deserves the glorified prick status or not, hmm?

Don’t we all find certain types of people more attractive than the others? Is it racist to say that Italian men are hot? Or that Scandinavian women are sexy? At least I don’t seem to think it is. Then why is it racist to conversely say that you don’t find a certain type of people physically attractive? Is saying that Americans are ugly, racist enough? Is saying that Blacks are ugly, more racist than saying Americans are ugly? Is there a standard method of detecting how racist a statement is? Who decides?


Or this lovely nugget,

Does this make the average South Indian women less attractive as compared to the average North Indian? At least by the standards of beauty that myself and large part of India have been conditioned to, it does. While I can speak for myself with full confidence, I can only take a guess for what I consider a majority of India’s population. All those Fair and Lovely sales certainly say something, don’t they?


Or this clever observation made by Dr. Vulture,

Or maybe it is because there is a certain degree of insecurity at play here? If you call America an underdeveloped country, it might sound amusing. Because America is very clearly not “underdeveloped”. But if an American were to call India an underdeveloped country, I’m positive that a lot of Indians would be enraged. Their insecurity would turn into righteous anger and a few people would feel like using abusive language against Americans. Similiarly, I think if I would have said that Kashmiri women are less attractive as compared to Maharashtrians, a great deal of people would have told me in a good natured manner that I was nuts and that I must get lost. I’m sure that a lot less people would have abused me the way they have. And I don’t think anyone would have called me a racist.


Unfortunately for Dr. vulture, looking like a cross between a secluded alleyway rapist and a mammoth goon does not bore well for his piteous oh please where’s your sense of humor, I am single and horny cant you see so laugh or else, type statements and it doesn’t make them any less wretched.

That is why people, Vulturo is one of the esteemed nominees of the “The undersexed award of the year” for a combination of killer looks (Literally, no figurative jackshit here. Try staring at his face for like 10 seconds. I averted my eyes after 4 seconds; they began to water at his repulsiveness) and a strange cockiness that accompanies only dreadfully ugly people. Armed with such appreciable qualities, he has single handedly made sure that his chances of ‘ever’ getting laid land between a high zero and a low nothing.

Congratulations Dr. vulture. Bask like an overstuffed walrus in all the laughable attention you’re getting. Because people laughing at your misplaced, bloated ego is all the attention you’re gonna get, so you better work it boy!

Confession:

This post is actually my tooth-in-gum way of professing my love for the vulture. Since I am technically 'madrasi', I should be short, dark and unsightly and nobody north of Ponneri or Pazhaverkaadu will want to copulate with me. And by the vulture's standards, since he is north-west Indian he must be more attractive than I am without a doubt, even if his appearance is revolting by human standards. Therefore, I will wholeheartedly extend a coital invitation to the tongue-in-cheek master, Mr.vulture. Chee chee, I must go pay a visit to the Papanasam temple and bathe in the Tamarabharani for my indecorous confessions. Shiva perumaney, enna mannichidu!

70 comments:

Micky "bullet" McGee said...

You are the mistaken my dear ammu. Our vulture is an endangered species, that suffers from a vile disease known as foot-in-shit-then-foot-in-mouth disease. You see, all thees ees becaas of said disease.

No nomination wonly. Straight victory for our vulture. Jimble.

thalassa_mikra said...

Ammu, while I agree with the basic premise of your post, I would have been happier if it didn't hinge so much on discussing Vulturo's looks.

I think what he looks like should be immaterial to the criticism. Even the best-looking men would be jackasses if they take a socially constructed value judgment as fact.

It is in times such as these that I turn to the great oracle of Bollywood. Hmm..let's see -

South Indian actresses

Hema Malini
Vyajanthimala
Sridevi
Shilpa Shetty
Aishwarya Rai
Leela Naidu
The Reddy sisters (Sushma, Meghna, and the other one)

Jaya Prada (Satyajit Ray called her the most beautiful Indian actress)

Waheeda Rehman (whom the great "North Indian" icon Amitabh Bachchan calls the most beautiful Indian woman)

Tabu and Farah

Maharashtrian actresses

Madhuri Dixit
Urmila
Isha Koppikar
Varsha Usgaonkar
Sonali Kulkarni
Leena Chandravarkar (Konkani, but never mind)

Ok, I need to stop because this will just go on and on.


Not to start a flame war, and I'm not saying Kashmiri women are not beautiful, because they are indeed, but surprisingly Bollywood has never seen a major Kashmiri actress. Even gorgeous Zeba Bakhtiar who played a Kashmiri in "Heena" is from the Persian Bakhtiari tribe.

Anonymous said...

Also Ashwini Bhawe. Euck.

May be the only attractive south indian girls work in movies. The rest are yuck. Whereas the average north indian girl is pretty without being a movie star.

And Satyajit Ray is a moron if he liked Jayaprada. Shocking.

Miss Palampur said...

Namaste Ammujee,

Is Suck-It Bhai ke maamle mein, hum bilkul aapke saath hai.

Humein yeh baat bohut khalee ki unhone hum Pahadi ladkiyon ke baare mein zara bhi nahin socha.. Kya is poore desh mein sirf Juhi Chawla, Kapoor Kudiyan aur Raveena Tandon khoobsurat hai? Preity Zinta aur Kangana Ranaut, kissi se kuch kum hai kya?

Aur hum us samay ko yaad karte hain jab VIII Standard mein humare school ki ore se humne Dakshin Bharat ki sair ki. Us samay humein yeh pata chala ki Madras jo hai, Dakshin Bharat ka ek chota sa hissa hai. Us samay humare ganit kay teacher Rulhan Sir ne humein bohut khoobsurati se (Venn Diagrams ke istemaal se) yeh samjhaya, Madraas jo Hai ek sub set hai Dakshin Bharat Ka (agar hum usse Universe maane). Waise hum exam mein to fail ho gayein, lekin yeh baat zaroor dimaag mein baith gayin. Aur haan, humein sabse khaas jagah laga, Keral. Aakhir wohi to hai Devataon Ka Apna Des. Yaani us samay se hi Devataaon ke liye humarein dil mein ek alag jagah bani huyi thi.

Hum to Suck-It Bhai se yahi kehna chahenge ki Angrez ko des chode huye 60 saal ho gayein, par yeh divide aur rule ka maamla abhi bhi barkarar rakhkar unhone ek bahut hi kamzor udaharan pesh kiya hai aajkal ke naujawanon ke liye. Is Ben-Hood mein jo daraar paida karne ki koshish ki gayin hai, hum nahin hone denge. Hum aise asamaajik tatvon par apna dhava bolenge aur jeet lenge. Suck-It Bhai ko yeh aaaward de kar hum yeh zaroor saabit kar denge ki, bhale chote mote yudh Ben-Hood haar jayein, ant me Jung hum hi jeetenge.

Flogging humara Adhikaar Hai,
Suck-it ko humein Jitana Hai.

Jai Shree Ram!

Ya shayad jo Suck-It Zyada pasand karenge – Jo Bole So Nihaal!

Haan haan sab boliye, Sasriyakal!

Anonymous said...

"Ammu, while I agree with the basic premise of your post, I would have been happier if it didn't hinge so much on discussing Vulturo's looks."


Dho da.. naataamai theerpu sollitaanga. Vay-la asingama varudhu...

Parattai said...

Can we add J.A.P to the undersexed award please?

Anonymous said...

TM - looks like the whole purpose of this blog passed right through.. between your ears and out through the other side. Not surprising at all though.


Oh and I love falstaff.

And maybe Shivam Vij.

But not D-cubed.

thalassa_mikra said...

Anon1, perhaps you'd be so nice as to provide a translation?

Anon2, why the haterade dawg? It's cool. We "get" it. Now calm down. Perhaps you'd like to hop over to the last post and meet your doppelgänger (or are you two the same)?

Anonymous said...

I hate JAP.

I love Shivam Vij.

Anonymous said...

TM - you says "why the haterade dawg? It's cool. We "get" it."
Now, I says Oh, we "get" it? Wooo fucking Hoooo!! And we write a mile long comment that contradicts that very statement(refer your own previous comment). And "haterade"? What are you? retarded? Oh wait..I "get" it gangsta...

And in conclusion...
Fo shizzle ma dizzle cahizzle dawg and not to forget...
Shizzle the dizzle till it sizzles y'all. Peace. Out.

anon2 said...

Yo gangsta sista frm da hood.. daiiimmmnnnn. Ah didn't see yo line from da prev. post, yo.

"I would have been happier if it didn't hinge so much on discussing Vulturo's looks. "

NEWS FLASH Dawg : No one gives a damn.

Shizzle out. Wooooo.

P.S : Too many anons dawg.. I'll be anon2.

Remember, it puts the name in the comment or it gets the hose.

thalassa_mikra said...

There, there now Anon2, my desi boy pimpin' in da fake hood, you totally "get" it now, dontcha! Marvellous.

Now unlike your suburban wannabe gangsta ass, I actually do live in da 'hood. So you watch what you say now, 'cause ain't no messin' with South-Central.

And here's some advice my poppet, try and update your hip-hop references a bit. Even Snoop wouldn't be caught dead sayin' that shit no mo'.

anon2 said...

Ms T (not in anyway a reference to Mr. T)
"And here's some advice my poppet, try and update your hip-hop references a bit. Even Snoop wouldn't be caught dead sayin' that shit no mo'."
Clearly, sarcasm's a word you seem to have missed in your english classes luv. As someone said, my toilet seat will have a better IQ than you. I salute your dumbness (which is made worse by your "patronizing") though. You'll be a fine exhibit against darwin's survival of the fittest theory.

thalassa_mikra said...

Mildly amusing but totally bogus attempt to cover up tracks. Sarcasm my ass.

Oh no......you did not mention Mr. T. You be a 90s relic awright anon2meister! They've got Youtube to fix that sorta thing ya know? I'll even help you with keywords -
Nas, RichBoy, David Chapelle's Block Party.

Awwww...and that's the best diss you could come up with? Listen up - I patronize because I can. I rarely exercise this ability, but then, if I can shoot fish in a barrel, why wouldn't I?

anon2 said...

LMAO!!!!

"Mildly amusing but totally bogus attempt to cover up tracks. Sarcasm my ass."

Nope, sarcasm ain't your ass. Its your head up your ass sweetheart. Talk about delusions and taking things on unrelated tangents (which you have a talent for)....

"David Chapelle's Block Party. "
I hate wannabes. I really do. And its Dave Chappelle's Block Party.. Get your names right before you start pretending. And if your excuse is a "typo", spell check first before you open your stupid mouth. Silly nut can't even cut and paste right. And that's the word.


Word!

thalassa_mikra said...

Someone has his panties in a bunch! Those bean burritos get you good crumpet, easy, easy now.

You do realize how ridiculous you sound sabre-rattling over a typo. What happened - you typed in the Block Party keywords in Youtube and came up with nada? Awwwww.....que mala suerte!

Never mind, go ahead, correct the Chappelle and then go and listen to ma man Mos Def and ma man Talib Kweli. It's all good.

And if want to hear it live from folks keepin' it real, I'll be happy to give you a musical tour of Compton anytime.

Anonymous said...

Pallo Beta,

I am verrry proud of your Maths knaaaleidje.

Rulhan Sir

Lolita Chatterjee said...

Dear Ammu di,
I am labhing your post.... Uff... irrespective of what Bhaalchaar da looks like, he should not have said all those nasty, horrible, insensitive and politically incorrect things about "Madrasis"...Uff! he is a gadha (donkey) if he does not know that Madrasi is not equal to South Indian. He is talking like an angrez ki aulaad and living in pre-independent times when large parts of the South fell under the 'Madras' state! But, it is too much to expect a head-hunter to know his history or even his culture, right?! I mean, after all, head-hunting is not a very difficult job.. say as compared to making rockets and satellites... but bhaat do I know? I am only innocent girl from little town!

So, yes, in summation, one and all, please Bhaalchaar da ke bhote deen! Please vote for Vulture brother! As it is, so pathetic he is because of not getting any, at least we can do some zakham pe marhamm by making him the winner in this category!

Jai Dada!
Jai Kali Mai ki Jai!

Lolita Chatterjee said...

Miss Palampur di,
Tumi ekdum funtastic comment diyecho! Darooon! :)

Reading about Bhenn Diagram has made me so nostalgic! I am now running to watch hit Prosenjit da films dating back to my childhood days! Eeesh! Ki daaroon!

Long Live the Revolution!

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Micky jee:

Romba thangs for nominashun!

@ Mikra jee:

Vanakkam mikra! Very sorry but we are romba romba shallow here at flog the blog. Looks are yeverything. But thangs for suggeschun which we will not follow anyway, and would you like to nominate anyone jee?

@ Anonymous average south indian girl hater jee:

Vanakkam hater jee, and are you an expert on how yeveryone looks in India? Anyway haters are entitled to their delusionary opinions too, so hate away da kanna! Also, why do you insult Satayajit Ray? Lolita ben, you must take note!

@ Miss Palampur:

Ennoda snegithi! Onnoda comment a padicha appuram nan azhatha korai thaan! Nee sollarathu noothu ku nooru unmai.

Flogger Vazhga!

Vazhga Valamudan!

@ Naatamai jee:

Amam naatamai theerpu sollitaaru. Neenga avaroda theerpu kekamaatengala?

@ Parratai:

Why of course!

@ Gangsta Anonymous jee and Gangsta Mikra jee:

Aiyo! I have a weak heart! It cannot thaangify(withstand) these gangsta wars! Practice peace not war, gangsta jees.

@ Rulhan sir jee:

Oh it is a reunion! I am beri touched Rulhan saar jee and I will tell Palampur ben yimeediyately!

@ Lolita jee:

Thank you Ben! What you are saying is beri beri true! Sitting yin India and speaking like angrez ka aulad and he thinks he is being orey super smart by acting like an erumai maadu (buffalo). Chee chee what can we do with such people ben. Atleast we can ask people to vote and make erumai maadu win.

Adhunaala, elaarum erumai maatuku vote pannunga pa!

Billo ChamanBahar said...

Hello all! And a special Floggerdelux HELLO to my other 4 soul sisters here :)
Better late than never, so here I am! Cow Hater Ammu, what a fantastic heart felt post you've written dahling! Muaaaaah! Ugliness is criminal. I think Suck-it desperately needs some plastic surgery, a better haircut, a gym membership and a total personality makeover. And after all that, he will also need a LIFE, which is where his problem lies and we must get suggestions from our ardent followers and commentors for the same. Though, personally I think that's highly impossible. Personally, I also think breakthrough products like Fair and Handsome are made and sold especially for the likes of him!

@Thalassa Mikra:
Hey Gorgeous! Dont we love you here, dahling! And what wonderful little gems you dole out freely... I patronize because I can. AWESOME! That's exactly what we believe in here too. (And it becomes a tad bit easier for us looking the way we do, doesn't it?) And I'm glad you gave that long list of South Indian actresses. I would also like to point out here that currently most of our top models and supermodels are also South Indian and extremely HOT looking. Case in point - Padmalaxmi aka Mrs. Salman Rushdie (straight from Madras!), Vidisha Pavate, Tinu Verghese, Laxmi Menon and even Deepika Padukone. And not to forget my dear friend and fellow item girl Meghna Naidu who has created quite a stir in North India with her oomph and attitude!

So, in order to promote peace and happiness and beauty in this world, please vote for Vulture.
Please!

Billo ChamanBahar said...

@Anon2:
Oh you poor poor soul you! You have no idea who you're up against, do you? Or maybe you do, which is why you resort to the arguing stratey of an obnoxious 5 year old. TM is not only extremely intelligent, but also very very gorgeous looking.
You should give up already and go play in the sand box or do whatever it is that obnoxious 5 year olds do in your sad corner of the world :)
And let Vulturro fight his own (losing) battle!

Anonymous said...

South Indian women, Satyajit Ray, Miss Palampur type Wannabe North Indian and Bong women like Thal_Whatever suck. Yek hoyi rocket science nahin hai. They should teach this as part of school education.

Anonymous said...

Being dark skinned does not good looking make. I agree with Vulturo, he is more honest than hypocritical and obviously that hurts.

anon2 said...

Miss billo
yesh.. i am so put in my place by the wonderful TM's cutting sarcasm and intelligence so.. i am the retired to sand baax. My jaab here ees done.

* rides off into sunset *

Anonymous said...

Buzz of Morons. Desi women rock. The men. Puke!

thalassa_mikra said...

Ammu akka and Billo ji, you're some mighty fabulous girls - you rock! And thanku thanku for all the love (even if you are secretly khinchofying my taang, it's still good :)).

Love your blog, please keep posting.

Oh, and I just looked through my list and I was shocked that I had omitted my favourite Bollywood actress of all time. I was watching songs from Utsav and Umrao Jaan yesterday and the charisma and sublime beauty of Rekha never ceases to amaze me.

Cow hater Ammu said...

@ Billo:

Ennoda soul sister! Paavum suck-it, plastic surgery is wasted on him. Poor paiyyan, hes drowning in the mire of his ghastly insecurities. The least we can do is to cheer him up and feature him in our awards, no?

@ Anonymous woman hater jee:

First you answer these koschins for me jee:

1. Were you dumped by a south indian and/or bong girl?

2. Did you always have crushes on south indian and/or bong women only to be rejected?

2. Do you make up reasons to hate south indian and/or bong women?

If you answered yes to all of the above or even one of them then you are a SSIBWL (secret south indian and/or bong women lover).

Vazhtugal kanna!

@ Anonymous dark skin hater jee:

Very good hater jee! Why dont you write a bible for dark skin haters like yuvarself and put that nugget in there!

Response therrikum da!

@ Sunset rider jee:

Poitu vaa jee!

@ Good anonymous jee:

We at flog the blog, lou you.

@ Mikra jee:

You rock too! And we love you here, so this better not be your last visit ponnu!

Riyaa said...

south indian actress in bollywood!in the past we had!!

vijanthimala,waheeda rehman,padmini(mera naam jooker),hema malini, rekha,sridevi, jaya prada,menakshi sheshadri,madhavi(starred opposite amitabh in many movies.. remember the song, dhoop me nikla na karo roop ki rani and she was in the movie agneepath) farah, ramya krishnan(bade miyan chhote miyan movie), rambha. Also marathi actress sandhya of v shantharam fame is actually south indian.

Present we have:

Ashwarya rai, shilpa shetty, shamita shetty,divya palat,vidya balan,sushma reddy,sameera
reddy,keerthi reddy(tera jadoo chal gaya with abby),deepika padukone(she is starring with
shah rukh khan),meghna naidu, shyla lopez(she is kaanadiga not anglo indian),vasundhara
das(not bengali but she is tamil). suman ranganathan(from the movie fareb with milind gunaji),shewta menon(in the song with aamir and ajay devgan in the movie ishq).sneha ullal(she worked with salman khan lucky no time to love)
also priyanka chopra and malaikha arora have malyalee mothers.

Models:
Sheetal malhar,joey mathews, tina verhege, sheetal menon,shewta vijay(miss earth),mrs world shilpa reddy,Kiran rao, vaishali rangaswamy,sri murali krupa ,vinitha menon, Vanarose,sindhura gadde, priya reddy and so many others.. We have enough beauty in our land to sustain us

I don't understand why the need to put us down.. i don't mind punjabi girls being called more attractive .. if so, it does not make us ugly... his statements like shitload of madrasi chicks is insulting..

The funny thing is these north indians drool over these women..

these double standards when south indian women ruled at top and married punjabi men.. None of us gloated or insulted north indians.. Now when some punjabi girls went down south and
worked in movies northies will say it is bcause south does not have good looking women!!!

Even now all the current actress in tamil and telugu are south indian.. and most are way
more good looking than the bolly gals. Asin ,trisha,veda(archana),anuskha shetty ,nayanthara, sneha,madhu shalini,priya mani,meera jasmine,mamata mohandas to name a few.

Riyaa said...

Being dark skinned does not good looking make. I agree with Vulturo, he is more honest than

hypocritical and obviously that hurts.

-----------------------------------------------

good looks have nothing to do with skin tone.. it has to do with features.

mrinalini tyagi:
http://media.santabanta.com/gal/mi2007/contestants/mrinalini%20tyagi1.jpg

gauri anand:
http://media.santabanta.com/gal/mi2007/contestants/gauri%20anand1.jpg
http://k43.pbase.com/o6/25/5425/1/75357242.7J5AVwtk.3_std.jpg

meera kirpekar:
http://img259.imageshack.us/img259/3118/pantaloons009vi4.jpg

are u telling me these fair skinned chicks are good looking.!!! fair or dark it is ur
features,personality and talent that makes u attractive. If fair skin alone was the criteria
then rani, kajol,bipasha,keona mitra would not have made it in bolllywood..

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